Okay, so I realized I won't have the money to go to Stockholm in September and it really breaks my heart. To avoid thinking to much about it and letting it break me down totally I'm gonna write about something else that makes me happy - UK TOUR!

I seriously can't believe I'm actually going to the UK for their tour. I will never forget me and Candice, sitting on skype all night joking about how much fun it would be if I could fly over and stay at her place, meeting all the cool UK fans and stuff. I started to count my money, realizing that if I really saved up I'd defo manage to get enough money to go there... I ran to the livingroom and asked my mum, prepared for a blank NO. She asked me a little about the whole thing, and then she went "Well, if you think you'll have the money for it, then go". OMG. I remember crying as I ran to the computer again, screaming to Candice "AAAAAAAAAAAH SHE SAID YEEES". Okay people, I'm soo excited!

I'm gonna take the flight there all by myself. Last time I flew I was five, I'm already so nervous about my luggage and stuff... Then I'm gonna stay with Candice, OMG it's gonna be craZy, drinking soo much Ribena, getting hypo from loads and loads of candy, LMAO it's gonna be jepic! Then we're going to London, like, can you believe it?! I've wanted to go there my entire life, and now I actually am, meeting all the cool jedheads and John & Edward :') AAAAAH!

Gonna stay at the coolest hotel ever, really near the O2. Me, Candice, Katie and Mollie. It's gonna be a disaster ok, but so much fun. There's actually a chinese restaurant next to it. Just so you know... I'm so excited, meeting all the people I tweet every day. AAAH, can't wait!! UK JEDHEADS, WATCH OUT, NICOLE'S BRINGING SOME SWEDISH SUGAR ;)

Gonna write about Germany and Berlin as well, just not today!! Kärlek!

WARNING! This has nothing to do with Jedward, 'nor my life as jedicted. This is just funny stuff! - Omg, I was talking to Candice about makeup and perfumes and stuff today, and I decided to show her all my perfumes. And I realized I have soooo many perfumes and scents, like deodorants and bodylotions and body sprays! I found 18, but I probably have more stuff hidden in my drawers. Here's some pictures and info about them! OMG 13 perfumes.. and thats not all! (BTW, sorry for the lousy pictures, my camera isn't that good and overall, I'm no good at taking pictures hahaha!)

Today I woke up with a horrible feeling, I'm actually crying as I write this. You know, I got a heart. This small but fast beating heart. And it beats for John and Edward Grimes more than it beats for anything else. The fact that it's beating to keep me alive is NOTHING against the way it beats for them. But the thing that is so hard for me to take is that I can't do anything to show it.

I want to buy all those posters, all their singles and CD's, I wanna go to every show in Germany to support them, I wanna do a cool picture that shows my love, I wanna make a fanvideo that's just as amazing as some that I've seen. I wanna give them something cool, something to show how much they mean to me, how they changed my life. But I can't, I can't really do anything. I'm not good at doing things. I can't even afford to buy a magazine with them in anymore. I feel like I'm not doing anything to repay them for everything they've done for their fans, for me. I know they would never ask for it but when I see what others do for them, what they CAN do for them, I feel like shit to be honest.

I've always been the one who CAN'T. I can't do that maths equation. I can't run that fast. I can't play football. I can't sing very well, even though I will never stop trying. There's many thing I can't do, and those things I can accept. There's other things I can do, that I'm actually good at. But I never thought I would feel like this. This feeling.. I just can't take it. It's messing up my mind. I CAN'T DO ALL THOSE THINGS I WISH I COULD DO TO SHOW MY LOVE. It's driving me mad. I feel like such a failure. I'm actually so disapointed in myself.

I love them more than anything. I know already I will never love any artists as much as I love them. Any guys, no, never. Cause they will never be John & Edward. I love them more than I love my life, cause without them I wouldn't have one worth living. They've changed me so much, if it wasn't for them I'd be waking up at some random place after a party, I'd go to some school trying to be something I'm not. Because of them I've realized who I am and who I want to be. And they showed me that I NEVER should give up trying to be that person. And for that, I owe them so much. So much, I will never be able to give them...

I have to stop writing, I can barely see my keyboard cause I'm crying. This hurts so bad. Kärlek.

So, this weekend I had a sleepover with one of the coolest and most amazing girls ever, Steffi (@DreamSteffi). OMG guys, we had such a good time! We did the coolest twitcam ever, dancing to Pop Rocket and Everyday Superstar, singing songs and doing loads of random stuff. WINNING. Unfortunatley Fialisa (@Homosaregay) couldn't join us but we sang her a song and talked to her the whole night, so it kinda felt like was there too! :) 

We did the craZiest makeup ever with loaaads of glitter and I did Steffis hair! And today we styled Steffis mothers friend Peter with a quiff and took the coolest fanpics 4 real, LMAO! We took so many pictures, check 'em out yo, daiiiimn!

LMAAAAAO TWILIGHT PICTURE XD

Thank you for an amazing weekend. You mean so incredibly much to me Steffi, thank you for always making me smile! Love you with all my heart!!! KÄRLEK!

Hi y'all! I'm baaack! I haven't been writing on my blog in ageees, mainly because I've been to Italy and since then I haven't had the time. So what happened?

Well, at first I had an AWESOME time in Italy, I met so many cool people and I had so so much fun! I actually got my hair done on the beach! A woman from Zenegal did braids in my hair, so cool! It's like a side cut, look!
So, now to the good stuff ;) What's happened with JEDWARD?!? I guess you guys know all about the drama, releases and things like that already. I can tell you something really funny. I actually think I reacted wrong to the 300,000 followers video... After watching it the first time I was basically rolling on the floor, laughing and thinking "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SEXY?!" Then I sat down and watched it again and my second reaction was "LMAAAO, THOSE DANCING MOVES LOOK SOOOO DORKY" and then, after watching it a few times I realized it was genious and I mean, they always look amazing but it just wasn't what I imagined when everybody tweeted me "OMFG IT'S SO HOT IM JIZZIIIIIN". Well well, it's really cool though!

When I got home and checked my DM's I was kinda sure there would be nothing, but there actually was! I freaked out on the bus, I was so happy to hear from the twins since I'd been gone for almost 12 days! It was a "Hey, how is everything?" DM cuz they knew I were in Italy, so sweet!

Then I DM'd them about my dance performace I had last week, and they answered me with the sweetest thing ever, I stopped being nervous in a sec!
I just gotta say, I feel so incredibly blessed to get to have this contact with them. I don't care what anyone says, I'm so happy and I will always be so so grateful for them actually tweeting/DMing/following me. These two amazing boys mean so much to me I'm actually scared of myself sometimes. I'm figuring out something special to do for them to give them in Stockholm, just to show a tiny bit of all the love and respect I got for them.

With that, I'm gonna end this "catching up" text! Doing another about my weekend and stuff soon! Kärlek! Ps. For all you guys that doesn't know Swedish, "kärlek" means "love"!